Jen's Life Adventures

I hope everyone was thoroughly baked today. I know I was.

Through the haze, I wish you good-day!

My friend Teresa told me that she enjoyed reading my live journals, and that I should have been a writer.

When I was a little girl I use to perform concerts and plays in front of my family friends, and stuffed animals. I thought then, "I will be an actress and a singer when I am older."

As time marched on I was in elementary school and I had some great teachers who I looked up to and I thought..."I will be a teacher, I get to be the boss, and I get summers off."

During Middle school, I had a great perm and I decided I would go to cosmetology school during high school and while I was in college I would be a stylists.

When I graduated college I decided that I would be a broadcast journalist and go to college for communications.

I was 16 when I started going to the career center, and I did graduate and get my license to be a stylist. And I was a stylist on and off for my entire college career...and I retired after that.

With my college degree in tote I flew across the world to be a teacher. It wasnt as fun as I remember, but there were definitely rewarding days, and suicidal days.

During my time in china, I found out what it was like to be a celebrity, and I decided to cancel out my wish of singer/actor...because I was already sick of people staring at me and whispering about me. It was hurtful and annoying.

And when I came back to the USA, I couldnt find a job, and for the first time in my life I had no idea what I wanted to be. Creativity and dreams were easier thought up in adolesence and now real life and current situations bogged down my mind. The care free spirit of Freedom Beehler (the name I always thought of myself as) has had to go to sleep so that Jen Beehler can live and function in this world.

With every passing day, I see how dreams are put aside and reality takes over. I am not sad because I like most of my reality, but I wonder if maybe one day, I will wish I hadn't let go.


This is Jen "freedom" Beehler signing off wishing you to follow your dreams, but not to get lost in fantasy, because sometimes you stop and see that reality can be pretty good too.

So I re-applied where Melissa works and they called me back two days later. This morning I completed and PASSED the personality test this time. It was such a relief. This job will create massive security in our finances...and from what Melissa has said it is a pretty great place to work. Bailey has been going through some cranky moments lately. He is funny it is like he is starting his period. Yesterday, he was such a cranky poop...and then when it came bed time he crawled in bed and slept in between mel and i nuzzling his head in mel's neck. It was so sweet, but not condusive to actual sleep. I kind of like when he acts like our baby though. We are getting new windows in our apt soon too...which I am totally stoked about, it will be a huge undertaking (we have 13 windows) but when it is done we wont have these crappy metal windows that take enormous amount of strength to open. It will be just in time for spring. I hope all of my followers are doing well.

I have been enthralled with the Olympics this year. I find there dedication, determination, and guts to be staggering. I have never thrown myself into something and committed to anything for 4 years. It is amazing what these athletes do. The defeat hurts my heart as well. I see people fail and I cry and I see them succeed and I cry. It has been an emotional journey for this couch potato.

I have been really into current events lately as well with my new "my yahoo" I have all the news that I want to know about set up on my page...and I find the world facinating and confused. I want to scream to the USA "Get out of other peoples business" I read today that the US is getting on China for their censorship laws and I am thinking "WHAT?" this administration has been has been the most conservative and depilitating for the arts and the words "freedom of speech" that our nation has ever known. With the "Patriot act" I could go to jail for simply saying Down with bush. And here they try to fight china for banning pornographic and terrorist sites. What the hell is the difference. I feel like my freedoms have been taken away right under my feet from the very country that was based on that simple principal. I find it unnerving that the world is putting up with this bullshit! I also feel that our time is running out for safety from the world. When will 2008 be here? I don't know if our country will last much longer under this Tyranny. A word I learned in high school that I thought would never come to past, only to wake up five years later in the midst of it. A terrible world we live in today. Where war criminals (george bush) are hailed as God's and persecute other war criminals, and stifle the voice of their people only to earn a buck. May God save us all.

Life has been trying these past couple weeks, and so I have left the journal in the dust...dealing it out in my mind. Which is never a good thing. It was like 40 days of rain, and today the sun came out, and we saw a rainbow. And it was beautiful. We started the day with Melissa sleeping through the alarm...(because her and bailey kicked me out of bed last night...so I wasn't there to mediate the morning mayhem!) so it was a bit of a frustrating morning. But the afternoon, aforded a brighter day. We went on a walk and dropped off necessary bills that we were finally able to pay. And we felt the weight of the world melt under the bright sun of the day. At the end of our walk, there were big fat beautiful snowflakes falling down so gracefully as if someone had just shook the ball. It was marvelous and it was as clean and pure as we felt.

I was quite giddy after the fresh start and I started running around trying to get Melissa to touch my honey pot. I think that is the funniest reference to a vagina!!!!! So my charge to all of you today. Refer to your vagina as your Honey Pot. It will put a smile on your face. :)

Thank you to everyone who replied to my live journal. I was having a dark day, and I didn't want you to all be there for that, but the encouragement was amazing. I was a little embarassed, but Mel said true friends are there for the good and the bad...and that is exactly what you are! Thank you.

After that entry things picked up. My friends Joshua and David are coming to spend next weekend with us. Melissa asked for the day off and got it for Saturday, which she didn't tell me until she got home on Friday afternoon...which was exciting. And we got invited to a party...with a bunch of dykes :) It was interesting. It was fun but we didn't know anyone, but we got a long ok....it takes time to find the ones you click with. I also got on a website entitled outincleveland.com It was pretty cool. I set up a profile for Melissa and I to look for gay couples to be our friend. Since I love the Gay Bois...I found a boy that was funny to me, and I sent him an email. Life turns are so sharp and so quick...sometimes you never expect them. The weekend started at a turn for the worst, and ended up blissful. Who knew?

Thank you for your love and support. It was needed and truly appreciated. I hope you all have a great weekend!

BTW has anyone gotten a message to check out the final pics from China?

I am so lonely these days. I feel as though I have no purpose, as though I am useless. My longtime friend who was suppose to come to see me this weekend has deserted me for the third time and I feel desolate inside. I am at the brink, I need to start working, I need interaction with people. I could barely get out of bed today...sleep seems so much more peaceful than being conscience. I am wondering what is around the corner? What can turn the dark inside me into light. Jim and Mel have comforted me as best they can, but there is only so much that can be done when I can't reach outside the darkness. I just continue to close myself in deeper.

I got an email from a job I applied to on a whim yesterday. I got the email last night. It said that this company was vigorously pursuing my resume application and wanted me to call for an interview. So this morning, I wake up to the phone ringing, and it is that company. I mean I got the message last night and first thing this morning they are calling me...

It was weird. So I scheduled an interview for tomorrow morning. It would be in Brook Park, which is about 25 min away, and I would have to take 71S, but it would be in the marketing field. I am not getting my hopes up especially since I am going to sell mortgage insurance, but I wanted to check it out, and I have this confidence that I don't need the job. It makes me more marketable.

I am rambling. But I am excited...there is some Buzz that Antonia might come for a visit this weekend, and possibly Jackson and Mark. If that would be the case, I would paint my door red and be referred to as Holiday Inn!!!!! Keep your fingers crossed.

Some of you hopefully received some pics from me. I have recently acquired a fax/scanner/printer for X-mas so I am archiving all of my pictures and sending them...you would not believe the shit i found people...BE SURPRISED!!!! THE BEST IS YET TO COME.


And I want to end this message by sending out a token of my heart.

Chad and Aimee you have touched Melissa and I more than you could know. We have always been serious about our commitment to each other, but when we received your support, I mean when our union was genuinely acknowledged, it's like it validated it within ourselves. I opened that card, and I knew what it was immediately,and something clicked...and I know it did for Melissa too. We really want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You have given us more than a gift, You have ENABLED US! We love you! Sincerely, Jen and Melissa


That's all I have folks. Have a good day, and hope to hear from you soon!!!!

It was new year's eve...and I was at a wedding at Mel's family's house. It was so weird because everyone from my past and future were there. I wanted to introduce Melissa to a couple of high school friends...Dana Felsted and Jamie Grant and Melissa didn't like me anymore...and then I saw my mom and she was smoking and she wanted to bum a cigg...and she had her own ciggs...and so I threw her ciggs down in the snow and crushed them...and I threw mine and crushed them...and yelled at my mom for smoking.

The weird things is that I was smoking Parliments and she was smoking marlboro lights...which are both disgusting.

So. I looked up Dana felsted, and I called her and her boyfriend/husband answered and said she would call me back and she just had a baby, but she hasn't called me back yet.

And then today I was taking a nap and I was at Grandma and Grandpa's old house in the kitchen...and grandma was sitting in the recliner, but in the dining room and grandpa was in the kitchen (my g+g beehler both are dead)and my uncle was helping my grandma with something, but she had fallen asleep...which she did a lot...she used to fall asleep mid-sentence. Well she woke up as he was bent over her, and she slapped him. At the same moment my grandpa asked me to fix the phone and I opened the cupboard and every shelf had a phone. I plugged one into the wall and it shorted out...starting a fire, and the whole place erupted into caos, and then I woke up.

These dreams have been so vivid and weird.

so I just saw the movie saving face, for all my friends from China...you would love this. It is about two chinese girls from NY that are first generation and their parents are conservative and they fall in love. It is a wildly hillarious romantic comedy that was so dead on in the portrayal of traditional chinese that I felt I directly landed on the mainland! If anyone is curious as to what it is like to be a lesbian in China this is a clear indication.

Happy New Year everyone!!!! Party like it is 99, but I can't because I have a cold. Best wishes for the new year.

The greatest movie I have seen all year is DOT THE I!!! I just got done watching it, and I am in that mode of holy shit and how and why and I am stupified! It arose this great excitement from within. If you like independant movies...and different movies and exciting movies, this is what you want to watch. The characters are so colorful, and you will never guess the ending, there is no way that you could it is such a wicked curve I nearly got motion sickness!!!! DOT THE I DOT THE I....please cross your T's and DOT THE I, because this movie ROCKS!!!

What a cliche', but isn't it true? I mean sometimes I say things to Melissa that are hurtful. I don't say it on purpose...it just comes out, and when it does I immediately regret it when I see the hurt in her eyes. I want to kill myself. And then I want to talk about it, but why...do we need to continue talking about the hurtful words...who does that help? I think me, I am being selfish because I want to be absolved of my sin, but that doesn't make the hurt go away. Melissa did it to me last night, and what she said humiliated me, and though it was just her and I, I felt like a fool.

And she was like "are you mad?" and I wasn't mad. I was hurt and ashamed and I didn't want to talk about it, but she persisted because she wanted to be absolved, and that is when it hit me. To sin against the one you love is always the hardest sin...whether the sin is big or small because more than anything you want their acceptance and forgiveness. Though the act of the sin and requesting forgiveness is selfish.

How can you ever understand love?

A beautiful Friday of fresh fallen snow. I normally hate snow, but since Bailey loves it. I bundled up and we went outside to play. I made snow Angels and threw snow balls. And I let Bailey run free: jumping, eating, and rolling in the snow. It was magnificent! I forgot how beautiful and fun it could be.

Now sitting here, drinking my class of wine before 5 I am reflective.

Snow is a metaphor for life. The fresh fallen snow, the beginnings of a journey. The trampling of people that turn the snow muddy and ugly...as obstacles do in our lives, and finally the re-falling of the snow. A fresh start, a new beginning, to make right what went wrong, to be joyous and play this crazy game called life. I felt like a kid again today. How fun life can be!

The exhaust went out on the car yesterday so my love is getting it fixed right now. I hate when that happens...it is not a problem you can easily hide since you break sound barriers everytime you hit the gas. My ears started to bleed when we started the engine. It looks promising :)

Bailey is coming along wonderfully...I can't believe they said two weeks, because he is bouncing again and is happy and wild. Sometimes I think he is going to rip out his stitches and we have to calm him down. His friends come over to play and we can't let them, so he sits at the door and cries. It is heart-breaking, but I have to chalk it up to tough love.

Bought a carton of Ciggs for 24.99 thank god for Native american reservations!

HAve you seen this movie? It has Sarah Jessica Parker, and it is so girly and gay, but I love it. It came through Netflix today. Bailey started eating again, but he can't seem to go poo poo. He did have the energy to piss on the floor this morning. HE is still very needy and loving. He cuddled up with me this morning, which he doesn't do when he is sleeping, but we slept until 10:30 this morning. I hope that everyone out there is doing better than Bailey!


Love,
Jenny

Bailey had his ball sack removed today. He looks so sad. He has stitches and he just lays there all lethargic. I feel like a bad mommy. He wouldn't look us in the eyes for the first couple of hours that he was home, but he soon warmed up to us. He would crawl in our arms like a baby and tuck his head in our side and sleep. He is sooooo sweet and I feel so terrible. The doctor said that it would take two weeks before he was fully recovered, and then we have to take him to get his stitches removed. I kind of like the baby syndrome though...I like to hold him and caress him. He is sweet when he is this needy.

A sad day for dogs :(

I cooked all day! It was quite a feast...a very VEGETARIAN Thanksgiving. We had green bean casserole, seven layer salad, candied yams, mash potatoes, cheesy vegetables with pasta, rolls, two homemade pumpkin pies, and one Butterscotch Cream pie. It was delicious, and we stuffed ourselves non-stop for the weekend. I have shit like 15 times!!!!! It was highly glutenous! It was delicious, and it was my first Thanksgiving spread and it had rave reviews!!!!

Now I will roll to the couch and stay there until Monday :)~

Mel and I had a Christmas Story thanksgiving. Our friend Berto wasn't coming to visit until Friday, so we ate Chinese food on Thanksgiving. It was quite exciting. We bummed around all day watching Charmed. I love holiday weekends especially when they are starting, but the older we get the faster they go, and you don't get as much time as you did when you were a kid. :)

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

So last night Melissa tells me that in order for me to get benefits we have to register in the state as Domestic Partners. As you all know, this is the closest it gets to same-sex marriage, at least in all the states but two. (thank god for mass and vermont)

So today Melissa and I are going to the Bank to get our domestic partnership papers notarized! It isn't very romantic, but I am shaking just thinking about it. I told Mel I was going to wear white. :)

It happened so sudden that I couldn't send out invitations. It will be an informal ceremony just Melissa, Me, the notary, and the bank tellers. They will be our witnesses. :) Our dog can't even go, because...well he is a canine and they still aren't allowed in banks. WHERE IS THE RIGHTS OF KANINE's????? America is a damn SHAME! So today at 2:30 Eastern Standard Time...melissa and I will be walking to the bank to make it official.

Gifts can be sent to:
Jen and Melissa Menne
2870 S. Moreland Blvd #202
Cleveland, OH 44120

HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

I'm having a great day what about you? Oh and for our dog's wedding present to us...he didn't wake me up with shit and piss on the floor. It is a Blessed Day

So yesterday I discovered that the witch from upstairs hates Dogs...I live under a real live wicked witch of the West SIDE!!!!! She told this boy she was going to find a way to get rid of our dogs. "I'll get you and your little DOG too!" (Cackle!)

You know I have always wanted to be a witch. A good witch of course. I always thought I had special powers. I wish that they would show up. I thought they would at 23, but the only magic I saw during that year, was the constant stun of Chinese Culture. I still can't snap my fingers or wiggle my nose and my laundry is done. (Which is the first thing I would do with my magical power)

Mel and I have had a magical weekend. We received the third season of Charmed from Netflix (a little consumer push) (i have become such a corporate whore) Anyway, we dove right in yesterday and finished the discs and then when we went to bed we watched Practical Magic. I love Witches!!!!

So if anyone knows a witch send her my way...

BTW Christine my love, I want to add you to my journal, but how the hell do I do that? I searched all morning with no avail. I have burned to many cells at the hands of a fattie.

I would also like to give a shot out to my good friend Jim. He lives in San Fran, CA and yesterday he played a volleyball tournament against all of the major college teams in the area. He placed third, which is pretty awesome considering he is not a college volleyball player. He is sexxy too.

PS I think DR. PHIL is a FRAUD!